Your North Star Is Not Enough: How to Clarify Your “North” Before You Set Another Health Goal.
- Siobhan Gray
- Oct 1
- 5 min read
By Siobhan Gray, MD
“You don’t need a perfect plan. You need a direction.”
I Lost My North
I didn’t lose it all at once. It was a slow drifting.
I became a mom early in my medical career. I had two identities, both intense, both all-consuming. I poured everything I had into my kids first my career second. Every lunchbox, every bedtime story, every detail of their lives. It was love, no question. But somewhere along the way, I stopped hearing my own voice.
I told myself that this was just what good mothers do. That the sacrifices were noble. That my needs could wait.
But the truth? I was gone. Not broken. Just misplaced. Buried beneath the guilt, the perfectionism, and the quiet belief that motherhood meant martyrdom.
And then one day, I realized: my girls don’t need my sacrifice. They need me. They need to see a woman who is healthy, whole, alive. A mom who lives with joy and purpose.
Not Pinterest-perfect. Just present, and rooted in herself.
That’s when I started to find my way back.
Not to an old version of me but toward my North.
Why Most Goals Don’t Stick
Every January. Every Monday. Every time we get tired of being tired we set new health goals.
And for a while, we follow through. Until we don’t.
And then the self-blame starts. If I just had more discipline…
But it’s not discipline you’re missing. It’s alignment. It's time to clarify your North.
Without knowing who we are and what we value, we build goals like sandcastles, impressive but temporary. We chase outcomes without understanding why they matter. We outsource our direction to diet trends, influencers, and half-read books.
Eventually, the tide washes it all away.
Why I Don’t Talk About the “North Star”
The phrase “find your North Star” is beautiful, but I believe it’s also misleading. Stars are fixed. They’re singular.
And sometimes, they disappear behind clouds.
In my work, and in my life, I’ve found something more durable. I call it your North.
Your North isn’t one shining thing. It’s a direction. A way of moving through the world that aligns with your values, identity, and purpose.
It doesn’t rely on motivation. It doesn’t demand perfection.
The Science of Purpose
This idea of a personal North isn’t just poetic it’s physiological. A growing body of research shows that people who live with a strong sense of purpose experience profound health benefits. In a 2016 meta-analysis published in Psychosomatic Medicine, researchers found that a clear sense of purpose was associated with significantly lower all-cause mortality and fewer cardiovascular events. Another study in the Journal of Psychosomatic Research linked purpose to a reduced risk of stroke in older adults. And beyond disease prevention, purpose seems to change how we live: individuals with a strong “why” tend to engage more consistently in healthy behaviors like regular movement, improved nutrition, better sleep, and smoking cessation.
What’s striking is that this isn’t just behavioral it’s biological. Purpose has been associated with lower levels of inflammatory markers such as IL-6 and CRP, suggesting that meaning in life might influence immune function and chronic disease pathways. One study even found that purposefulness correlated with greater engagement of brain regions linked to reward and emotional regulation—meaning we may quite literally process effort differently when it aligns with who we are.
Purpose doesn’t just make life meaningful. It makes it more resilient. And when your goals are grounded in that kind of alignment, they’re no longer powered by willpower alone. They’re wired into who you are.
How to Clarify Your North
Most people start with what they want:
Lose weight. Sleep better. Run farther.
But clarity comes not from deciding what to do, but from remembering who you are.
Your North isn’t something you invent. It’s something you return to.
It often reveals itself in quiet moments, when you’re walking alone in nature, when your hands are deep in something meaningful, when you’ve finally exhaled after trying too hard for too long. Sometimes, it arrives only after you’ve burned out, or lost your way. That’s okay. Orientation always comes after disorientation.
If you’re in a season of realignment, here are a few places to begin:
Start with what tugs at you.
What do you long for? Not the polished version, but the raw, honest ache? Maybe it’s peace. Or strength. Or time to breathe.
Your North often lives underneath what frustrates you most.
Pay attention to your energy.
What activities, people, or places make you feel most alive even if they’re quiet or simple?
Your North is rarely about productivity. It’s about vitality.
Ask identity-level questions.
Who am I when I feel most like myself?
Who do I want to become, not in five years, but today, in this moment?
What do I want to stand for, even when no one’s watching?
Be honest about what you’re ready to release.
Sometimes we can’t find our North because we’re still gripping a version of ourselves that no longer fits.
Clarity often starts with subtraction.
You don’t have to answer these questions perfectly. You just have to start listening.
You don’t need a detailed plan. You just need a direction.
Let your health goals grow from that place, not from shame, pressure, or urgency. Let them grow from knowing who you are and where you’re going.
The North Framework™: A Compass for Lifelong Vitality
At PeakMD, I developed The North Framework™ to help people like you, people like me, come home to themselves.
It’s a science-based, soul-aware approach to personalized medicine. We don’t just manage labs or build habits.
We make sure every action is rooted in your identity, not just your willpower.
Because when you’re aligned, health becomes a form of integrity.
For My Daughters
I still pack their lunches. I still show up. But now they see something more than effort.
They see a woman who moves with direction.
They see someone who rests, laughs, lifts weights, goes outside, and listens to her own body.
They see me - not just the mother who loves them, but the woman I’m becoming.
And that’s the gift I want to give them. Not just care. But clarity.
A Compass Test for Your Next Goal
Before you chase your next health goal, pause and ask:
Is this aligned with the person I want to become?
Am I doing this out of connection or compensation?
Will this still matter when it gets hard?
If the answer is yes then you’re not just setting a goal.
You’re facing North.
Ready to Find Your North?
If you’re in a season of transition, burnout, or reawakening, you’re not lost. You’re realigning.
Download the Find Your North self-reflection guide, or connect with me to explore how the North Framework™ can support your next chapter.
Because you don’t need a star.
You need a compass.
Resources to further connect:
References:
Cohen R, Bavishi C, Rozanski A. Purpose in life and its relationship to all-cause mortality and cardiovascular events: a meta-analysis. Psychosomatic Medicine. 2016;78(2):122–133.
Kim ES, Sun JK, Park N, Peterson C. Purpose in life and reduced incidence of stroke in older adults: ‘The Health and Retirement Study’. J Psychosom Res. 2014;74(5):427–432.
Hill PL, Turiano NA. Purpose in life as a predictor of mortality across adulthood. Psychological Science. 2015;25(7):1482–1486
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